Self Esteem Therapy

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At the basis of Social Anxiety Disorder is often a low self esteem or a lack of self worth.  Social Anxiety Disorder is a fear of negative evaluation, a fear that someone will think badly of you.  If you have low self esteem, this fear will be perpetuated.  It is of paramount importance to develop a sense of self worth, to like yourself and acknowledge the many important aspects and qualities you have.  Then.....you will not worry so much about what others think of you!!  

Everyone has wonderful special qualities that are unique to them.  It is important to recognise them and nurture them.  There are many ways to develop a sense of self worth and self esteem.  You can read books on self development, you can do courses on self esteem or talk to a therapist, you can treat yourself kindly and acknowledge your accomplishments and special qualities as well as being aware of what is important to you.

Below are some helpful ways to start developing self esteem.

Ways to enhance your self esteem

	Take full responsibility for your life, stop blaming others.
	Consciously generate rational thoughts and feelings of approval for yourself and acceptance in place of old thoughts of inferiority and inadequacy. Be in charge of your thoughts.
	Be willing to create a lifestyle that generates, nourishes and maintains sound self esteem (associate with others who have high self – esteem)
	Participate in life at the highest level you can – do things you like to do.
	Watch what you say, avoid self put-downs, stop being critical of yourself and others.
	Keep your awareness (thoughts) focused in the present time instead of living in the past or future.
	See yourself as being self sufficient – don’t come from need in relationships
	Stop feeling guilty – see mistakes as valuable lessons. See the cause and effect in your behaviour (what produces desirable results and what does not) in place of moral judgments of right/wrong, good/bad, better/worse.
	Treat yourself lovingly every chance you get – be your own best lover!
	Give yourself the simple pleasures in life.
	Positively acknowledge yourself frequently and keep a diary of all your strengths, qualities and accomplishments.
	Invest money in yourself – go to seminars, workshops, start a self – enhancement account.
	Give yourself permission to do nothing, periodically. Schedule time by yourself.
	Accept others acknowledgments and compliments – do not invalidate their positive thoughts and feelings about you. Say "thank you" and let yourself enjoy them without embarrassment.
	Avoid comparing yourself to others – see yourself as being of equal worth. Remember our value as human beings is not derived from what we do.
	Stop trying to change others
	Whenever you have a thought that starts with "I have to…" "I ought to…" I need to…" "I should…" "I better…" change it to "I want to…", or, "I choose to…"
	Frequently take deep breaths – discover the benefits and pleasures of breathing fully.
	Be willing to laugh at yourself, and with others. Stop taking yourself so seriously.
	Set goals, make plans and look for the opportunities that can help you get the results you want in life.
	Make a list of all the things you like about yourself and add to it everyday
	Acknowledge others frequently, tell them what you like and appreciate about them (especially your family, partners and work associates)
	Make a list of 10 – 20 things you enjoy the most and make an agreement to do them frequently.
	Be assertive, speak up for yourself, ask for what you want, express your feelings, preferences and opinions openly and without fear and accept "No" as okay.
	Be respectful of others’ feelings and opinions
Ref: New Farm Clinic Brisbane, Australia, Therapy Department Workbook, July 1997

There is a little poem that I like to read to myself every now and then, and I would like to share this with you now.  It is called the plum, and is about accepting yourself just as the way you are.

The Plum...

You can learn that you cannot be loved by all people

You can be the finest PLUM in the world,

Ripe...Juicy...Succulent

And offer yourself to all.

However you must remember there will always be people who do not like plums.

You can learn to understand that if you are the world’s finest plum,

And someone you like does not like plums

You have a choice of becoming a banana.

However, you need to be warned that if you choose to become a banana,

You will be a second-rate banana,

However, you can always be the best plum.

You need to understand that if you choose to be a second-rate banana,

There will always be people who do not like bananas,

Furthermore, you can spend your life trying to become the best banana (which is impossible if you are a plum),

Or: You can seek again to be the

Best Plum!!!

Ref: Handout from the Relaxation Centre of Queensland, Brisbane, Australia - Public Speaking Course 1999

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Disclaimer...

This site is not intended as a means of disseminating medical advice. If medical advice is required it is advisable to seek expert medical assistance. This site contains links to other sites, practitioners and therapists providing health related materials, treatment and therapies. However, the content and materials, treatment and therapies provided by these third party sites, practitioners and therapists, are not produced by nor are they the responsibility of the author of this site.